Dying. Over and Over Again.

I underwent serious Shamanic Death in 2015. Everything was stripped from me – health, family, “friends”, work, etc. As I began to understand the enormity of what was transpiring, I would witness as more was leaving, taken, purged, and I would remain detached and curious about the process. I decided to actively partner with the process as I purged and released more, and more. Willingly, even, after a time. It wasn’t easy. But necessary. It was also achingly beautiful. Towards the end of the active process, I made an effigy of myself and all the things about me that I was letting go of. And I buried her. I gave her(former me) a lovely, private burial ceremony. I wept in gratitude. It was quiet, peaceful. So much so, that my next thought became “I have no idea what I just did, but this ought to be HUGE.” And it was. I surrendered to the process and watched as more was stripped away – my home, my business, more of my possessions. And to some extent, my community. Then a sudden, intense AF heartbreak occurred. And I was broken open more than I ever had been in my life. I came to understand that the pain I was experiencing and expressing was the culmination of pain I’d never felt, released, or expressed throughout my current lifetime. And some from past lives. The miracles that flooded in Graced me in such an astonishing way, I’m filled with tears to recall it. I sobbed from pain, from opening, and from gratitude all at once. I easily felt all the pain of the...

I’m SO Done. Are you?

It doesn’t feel good anymore. I’ve been inside the realms of tantra, spirituality, and self-awareness – those thing that supposedly catalyze growth – for a very long time. (Longer than most) As I see posts from others in the community, posts offering insights and challenges, I’m not *feeling* it anymore. Answers aren’t exactly clear right now. Many feelings are surfacing that I’ve not made sense of yet. I keep looking for ::more:: Something fresh and new. Something authentic and activating. But I don’t see or feel those things. It feels hollow. Empty AF. It’s not just me. I am clear that many so-called teachers and experts are asserting ideas and narratives that wreak of dogmatism. While I get that the things that previously brought us joy or succor aren’t exactly doing that any longer, I wonder why I feel a lack of joy, an absence of connection, an emptiness, feelings of “that does not resonate” and “same old, same old.” Preaching to a choir of those who will listen; those who are unsure enough to overthink and question themselves. Repeatedly. Please hear me! You don’t have to follow the “code” or buy into a limited way of thinking. You don’t don’t need anyone to tell you how to be, how to heal, how to find love, how to understand, how to BE. You/we are much more powerful than that. Too many are taking the things I love and hold most dear – the very studies and practices I hold precious – and making them finite and absolute. That’s not Tantra. That’s not true spirituality. It irks me to no...