Sharing My Musings With You!
It both thrills me and humbles me to share my guest blog post for my friend Shann Vander Leek’s website – Transformation Goddess– chronicling my recent breakup experience.
I don’t think I’m more courageous than anyone else, just crazy enough to be open about my shit. Whether that’s wise or foolish, who knows?
I’m also grateful to be asked to write and share anything I have to say. My friend Shann has a great platform and following, and she’s openly, fiercely supporting other women and lifting them up. See for yourself –
It became about annihilation.
She wanted to be destroyed
Her defenses torn apart
Smashed to unrecognizable bits
And ground into dust
She wanted love to
Completely undo her
Rock her world so hard
Shake her up
Only one choice –
Submission to everything
She ever wanted
Every desire fulfilled
New ones revealed
Love’s obedient slave.
-Lisa C. Adams 3/14/16
Regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs and practices, you have a ministry. And you have an impact on the lives you touch.
Your ministry is made up of your family, friends, people you work with, your community, and strangers you cross paths with through daily activities. It’s your Facebook friends and others you interact with on social media.
Having a ministry means you have responsibilities. It is your job to interact with everyone in ways that are honest, loving, healthy, uplifting, inspiring, and revealing.
It may be something as simple as flashing a smile at a stranger you pass on the street. Or, being honest with your friend about the unhealthy choices they are making. It could even be kicking your addicted adult child out of the house in an act of tough-love.
As you go through your day, everyday, bear in mind the sacredness of each interaction you engage. Check your intentions, and be sure of where you are coming from. Are you coming from a place of Spirit, of love? Or are you coming from a place of fear, ego, and unhealthy patterns?
Spread love, smiles and joy. Be truthful – hold your convictions in a loving way. Don’t judge, but hold an honest mirror of support. Help, but don’t enable. And, if need be, walk away and cut ties, sending love and light in your wake.
The work we do is Holy. Each thought and intention, every word we utter, any action we take – it is all sacred. There are consequences to everything we do. Choose to make your impact one of Holy Love.
Yesterday I went to see my dear friend and shaman, Micheal Runningdawn, for a healing session. I was delighted that he seemed drawn to the areas where I feel I’ve been working on healing and resolving for some time now. One of those areas was my throat/ throat chakra.
He asked me if I sing or had ever sung, and I told him yes, when I was young, and that I crank music up and rock out in the car, singing at the top of my lungs. He said that what he was *getting* was that I needed to scream my truth, and suggested I write a poem or maybe a song about my saga/drama/situation with my family. And, that it might be a way towards further healing for me. Then he went about the remainder of the session, giving me bits and pieces of helpful information along the way.
Later, as I was driving home and rocking out, I thought about what he said. I had an experience/ understanding that occurred to me.
It made me cry.
I was listening to music and singing along, thinking about singing my truth – screaming it out, writing a song about my situation with my family.
I grew up singing. I was incredibly talented from a very young age and sang in chorus in school everyday from third grade on. When I saw the movie Grease, I had two copies of the album and just *knew* that I would grow up to be Olivia Newton-John!
Whenever someone would come over, I’d ask to sing for them. It was always the thing that was most important to me and that I was best at doing. A first soprano, I was always the featured vocalist and was sent to perform with the best of the best in the state. Every single year.
Until I was kicked out of the house when I was 16.
That’s when I stopped singing.
I went to live briefly with my dad (who was strung out on drugs and alcohol, but a loving father) who was about to lose everything to bankruptcy. Then, I went to live in my grandmother’s boarding house once dad’s house was seized by the bank.
Going back to my parent’s was not an option, but an exercise in depression, dysfunction, and chaos.
I spent the last part of my junior year, and my entire senior year of high school in a new school.
With all that had happened I was so numb, so confused, so angry and ashamed. I didn’t understand why I had been kicked out, and felt unloved. I didn’t want to go to school.
I just wanted to party, get fucked up, chase boys, and escape.
So, I took as few classes as I could to get enough credits to graduate, eschewing chorus to just have the shortest class schedule I could. Even then, I often skipped school. It’s a miracle to me that I somehow managed to graduate on time.
When I was driving home yesterday and thought about how stopping singing corresponded to being kicked out, I realized that I, in essence, punished myself by not continuing the one thing I held dear. And, I cried when that realization hit home.
Not singing, not continuing to sing, is the single biggest regret I have in life. Perhaps the only regret.
Anyway, I needed that cry, and that deeper understanding of what occurred 30 years ago. It makes me so sad and mournful.
As the years have passed, I’ve had thyroid issues and have been told again and again, by healers and by my astrologer, Anne Ortelee, that my thyroid issues are directly related to the baggage from my family. (Imagine that!)
The deeper understanding from yesterday comes at a visceral level and informs me that I am further along in my healing process. I don’t know exactly how to transmute this energy, but I know that not only is it possible to move past this and heal my thyroid and my voice, but that healing will occur.
For now, you can bet that I will be doing more singing and rocking out.
I was invited to an annual Solstice gathering and Slava feast hosted by some very dear friends. Part of the invitation was to bring a reading, poem, or something of the like to share.
I went through some poetry and books that inspire me, but didn’t find that just “right” thing. Two books I consulted had some “almost right” things. Those books, both by Marianne Williamson, contain lovely prayers I’ve used or turned to many times over the years.
As it typical of me, I take parts of the prayers, add my own words and phrasing, and make up the “just right” prayer for me, for the occasion I seek to address. And, of course, true to my nature, that is exactly what I did in this case.
While much of what you read is inspired by Williamson’s work, much of it is also my own. I owe her credit and appreciation for the boost in making this prayer what I wanted and needed it to be.
I think the power of this prayer is best felt and experienced when read aloud.
A Prayer for Love and Light at Solstice
O great and gracious Divine
May there come over this Earth a great and glorious light
Changes that would shift this world
Away from sorrow, and into peace
Away from pain and suffering, and into joy
Away from war and hatred, and into love.
Please show us how to love.
Teach us how to extend our light into the lives of others.
Remove from us the barriers to our souls,
So that we may discard the armor that guards our hearts,
And keeps us from vulnerability.
Dissolve our resistance to joining and connection.
Heal our resistance to love in all its forms.
Let us not shut down.
We wish to show up with pure and noble hearts,
That we may midwife perfection in ourselves and others.
May we see each other’s greatness and invoke each other’s light.
We surrender all the ways in which we block our love for each other.
We surrender our defenses.
Where we do not know how to behave, or are needy, or tend to control, or fix, or be dishonest,
Please, Beloved Divine, show us another way.
Where we would be distracted, or addicted, or otherwise not present,
Please help us to show up fully present, in our earthly bodies.
May all sorrow depart,
May all disease end,
May war cease and fighting stop,
May every tear be wiped,
May doubts dissolve and be replaced with hope.
May all hearts heal and gladden,
May we not forsake each other.
May the world be reborn and healed from the trauma and misunderstanding of the past.
We surrender ourselves to You.
We surrender our love to You.
Beloved Divine, we offer ourselves as vessels for Your Light and Healing,
May it serve Your purpose.
May this world graciously receive the blessing of Your Love and Light.
We are grateful.
(Note: some phrases were borrowed and edited from the works of Marianne Williamson from her books Illuminata and Illuminated Prayers)